8-11-09: A Book of Letters and Life of Lessons
Aug 11th, 2009 by Lisa Black
8-11-09: A Book of Letters and Life of Lessons
It was a gift of love, perspiration and inspiration. It was HIS birthday and a big one at that. Sadly, I couldn’t attend his celebration being held many miles away as my husband was returning from a lengthy deployment. So, I needed a gift-the perfect gift-not just another tie, shirt, mug or fishing accessory.
I reflected back on something that I recently had received. It was a small bound book with notes from 10 girls that had played on my YMCA basketball team. Their notes full of humor, love and insight were priceless. Their gratefulness for my small impacts on their life during that short season touched me. It was the perfect gift.
And so, about three weeks before my Dad’s birthday, I mailed some 160 letters and 200 emails asking for contributions to the “perfect gift”-a book of life letters. I asked that they write about how they knew my Dad, for how long and to include a story about my Dad - and that humor was appreciated! I also asked that they describe my Dad’s attributes and how he had touched their own life. I also pleaded for pictures!
And then-the most difficult part. The wait…For days, there was nothing and then suddenly the responses begin pouring in…I read each and every letter and responded to everyone that contributed.
The 85 letters were combined/bound (at Staples) with quotes representing my Dad’s attributes, pictures, hand drawn pictures from the grandchildren and included the initial letter, a foreword by me and letters from my Mom and brother. The book was titled a “Bright Life Well Lived”.
And my Dad’s response? He read the entire book while in his favorite chair until the we hours of the morning. He said it was the best gift ever.
“Your life letters book encouraged me to reflect back on my early years-when parents. friends, a teacher minister or employer made a real difference in my life by offering the real gifts of encouragement, direction, values and friendship-all of which made me want my life to be a life of returning those gifts to family, friends, colleagues and even strangers.
The letters enabled me to understand that indeed some of those gifts have been returned to other sin my own life. It was and his th eperfect gift to know that I have continued the circle of kindness that was gratefully bestowed upon me.”
And me? I have always loved, respected and admired my Dad-but I didn’t always understand him. These letters offered a special insight - so much that I never, ever realized about the genorousities-large and small-of my Dad. It was my perfect gift.
It also reminded me that kindness is not be kept-only returned and shared…and that giving back to family, friends, community and even strangers is a never ending responsibility. And like my Dad, I would like my life to be defined as one of kindness.
Give the perfect gift! Take the time to write a life letter to a family member, coach, mentor, collegue or even stranger that impacted your life. Let them know of their own bright life well lived…
8-10-09: Smiles, Tears, Lost Keys and Hallelujahs!
Sleeping in-gone. Leisure breakfasts-gone. Wearing pj’s until 12-gone. Loose schedules-gone.
The “I am bored.”-over. Frantically combing the papers and the internet for something-anything to do-over. Last minute camp registrations-over. Two bedrooms and a playroom that are knee deep in toys and clutter by 10am-over.
Eating ice cream anytime-a memory. Lazy days by the water - a memory. Anywhere picnics a memory. Weekday Barbie weddings and simple crafts gone complicated-a memory. The laughter of two sisters between 8 and 2-a memory.
Yes, after 8 new outfits, 2 new pairs of tennis shoes, a batch of school supplies, completed school forms, two school orientations, registering for karate and gymnastics and refueling the car-we were ready.
Last night, first day outfits were selected. We celebrated with cake. We calmed nerves with stories from last year and we tucked two girls in early that were so excited that they just couldn’t sleep.
And today was it. We fixed pancakes and placed flowers at the girl’s seats. We reminded them of the message for the week-kind words. There were the packed lunches and last minute instructions. There were the lost shoes and new socks. And of course-the picture of the two of them with largets smiles and backpacks we have ever seen!
And we were off. The roads were crowded and so were the halllways and classrooms. There was mass confusion, energy, nerves and enthusiasm everywhere.
The oldest grasped my hand until she presented her teacher with a homemade necklace and she was off. She barely looked back as she danced around the classroom meeting others,inspecting the stations and locating her table mates. The nerves suddenly disappeared. We left her looking so happy-smiling that toothless grin.
As I walked down the hallway,I subtly wiped away a small tear.
When the doors opened for my youngest at the second school, family and students flooded the corridors. She remembered her classroom and greeted her teacher with a smile. After hanging up her back pack, she eagerly left us as she sat down at a station and began counting rocks.
As we entered the reception area, I shouted “Hallelujah!”. It was just at that moment that my husband informed me he had lost the keys. We found them sitting on the console of our locked Tahoe -now a lone soul in the once packed lot!
Some thirty minutes later, Triple AAA rescued us. My husband departed for work a bit later than expected and I returned to my clean-but oh so quiet house…more quiet than I remembered.
Summer is gone and so are they…but the packed schedules, homework and joyful chaos that come with it bring their own noise, adventures and memories…and we’re all ready!
The 6-30-09: Moms and Monkey Minds
6-20-09: Looks Like We made It (As Barry Mannilow sings…)
Yes, we made it! We moved and while I tried to crouch in the corner to see if the movers would move me-they just wouldn’t do it much to my dismay! (Easier to travel in a lone box then with two young daughters, two frenzied cats, two full car loads of stuff in addition to the moving truck and a husband muttering, “No more Target…” over and over-while in the sweltering heat!)
So, we’re here and I am back! I will be a bit slow-my office and brain are still in shambles-but I am back!
So, I am in need of some good humor-I hope you are! So, some thoughts to ponder (by me)! All original-just like KFC…
Marriage can be quite funny and quite frustrating! (You wouldn’t know anything about that-would you?) So, yesterday evening, my husband and I resumed our date night! We needed some time away from the kids and the boxes. He surprised me with the plan of a sea kayaking date followed by a casual seafood dinner at a great local place!
Sea kayaking is a favorite of mine… but for some reason, as a couple, this activity usually sparks some minor frustration and communication synapses between the two of us! Let’s see, two summers ago, during a group sea kayaking adventure, a thunderstorm loomed above us for most of the adventure. When the lightening began, so did my fast and furious paddling. In fact,the instructor remarked at my speed. I was so far ahead that I looked way back and my husband was shouting, “WHAT are you doing?” I thought–2 daughters, no life insurance (on me) and the lightening capital of all the states…I refuse to be fried. I made it to shore way ahead of the rest-especially him!
So, fast forward to yesterday…all began well. We spotted a near-by dolphin just feet away from our kayaks. There were the flying fish and even the dogs that jumped off a boat to swim on the sandbar. We drew our boats close, did cheers with our water and kissed. He then mentioned something about seeing the scenery on the other side of the island…and that’s where it went down hill.
I began paddling and a few minutes later-I look back to see him near some residential docks checking out the boats and I am now on the outer edge of the island itself looking for birds and wildlife. So, he stayed his course and I stayed mine for the next 35 minutes…As the sun was beginning to fade, we motioned to head in…we met up at the area where we had placed the kayaks in and now to take them out.
“What were you doing?” he asked.
“What were YOU doing?” I snarled back.
“You agreed to look at the scenery.” he said.
“I thought scenery meant the island and the wildlife-not docks and boats.” I replied.
“Uggggh, it is that time again. The time-we just can’t seem to communicate. We’re speaking separate languages…AGAIN.” he said.
“Yep, it is quite amazing. We can get IN the same bed, but we can’t get ON the same page.” I remarked.
And the frustration lessened and the laughter began! And the dinner of crab and drinks was a fun one!
And my other humorous thoughts…
I saw a billboard on an interstate recently promoting vasectomies. I replied to my husband that they needed to re-think their billboard placement. Outside a Chuck E Cheese would be perfect…right in front of the entrance/exit area! Perfect—really…My husband howled with laughter!
Houses and friends are a great deal alike…they each have their funny quirks, they’re each constructed differently and you love them for different reasons!
6-9-09
Hi Moms,
If I seem a bit slower than usual in postings…I am! We are moving this week! I laughingly tell friends that the movers would pack me if I am crouched in a corner…I may try that! So, please bare with me…I’ll post when I can and resume speed in mid to late June!
Currently, an article has been selected for publication by The National Military Family Association and two others are being considered for a book for Moms! So stay tuned…lots of good stuff ahead-and plans to upgrade the site in the Fall!
6-09-09: The Bag Lady
As Moms, I thought we had to wear many hats-but I have changed that way of thinking. Instead, as Moms, we must carry many, many, many bags.
My husband always laughs as holiday or birthday gifts arrive from my girl friends. “Is it a picture frame, candle…or another bag?” he will ask.
We’ll begin at home. There’s the pool bag stocked with towels, weary pool toys, sunscreen without the top and crumpled empty juice boxes-all awaiting their next adventure. Let’s not forget my gym bag-complete with several containers of bottled waters, stinky work out gloves, swim goggles, a seat pad for biking, an array of hair bands, a colony of hair pins, hand weights, my Ipod and some mismatched socks.
And let’s not forget the prize bin bag! This bag is the destination for all left over holiday , school and birthday candy and prizes…offering cheap rewards for future bribery!
And in the car? There is the emergency bag containing a change of clothes for everyone, a roll of stained paper towels and a hair brush. This is the bag of choice if you plan on feeding the birds in the Aviary at our local zoo!
There’s the activity bag with half melted crayons, worn and torn books, lacing cards, paper and an Etch and Sketch for short doctor visits with long waits. There is my reading bag stuffed with the latest magazines, a notebook for random thoughts and junk mail to be sorted-perfect for the school pick up lines and for waiting at the girl’s gymnastics.
And finally…the two large cooler bags that lay in waiting in the back for those twenty minute -essentials only-middle of the other errands grocery store run!
Enough bags? Are you kidding? Since these bags represent the many facets of my expanding life and since I am not yet a camel-I am always in need of more!
And as I stock them, tote them and lug these things around for me and the girls-it gives a new and more stylish meaning to the term the “bag lady”. A term that I will carry well…
5-31-09: I Left My Tiara at Home
Well, kind of…More like I left my capris, huge overstuffed and bulging black purse, my double set of ears, order pad, planner, stop watch and Mom badge at home…
As my husband handed me by signed hall pass, I bolted out the door, left skid marks in the drive and headed there. I work my stylish shirt with some hip shoes and even managed to trade the fat, bulging black one for a more hip and colorful pink bag. And happily, as far as I could tell-I was stainless-not shameless-stainless…a feat in itself with young daughters and my stop watch life!
And so we met there and off we went. Four Moms leaving 
the badges, sashes and Mom tiaras behind. Tonight, we were simply girls and friends looking forward to endless wine and uninterrupted conversation.
We ducked into a hip clothing store that I had never noticed. We peered through clothing, pointing out prices, color and style. We took note of what was hot…and what was not…and hoped we could land in the middle! Styles had certainly changed-where had I been? Maybe Motherhood…
Then, off to our trendy spot for the evening! A wine bar with ecclectic (and delicious) food and people! We grabbed a table by the window where we could gaze at the twenty something single crowd mixing and mingling…and laughed and reminisced about our own such days.
We watched the older couples still holding hands and hoped that could be us someday. There was the guy that coming by our table flirting-that made our evening-if only in humor.
There was the fight over who would head to the bar to sample the wines before we committed to a bottle or two. We laughed about our joys and placed our current challenges in the open..and we each had a great deal of both to share!
We didn’t try to solve anything. We just enjoyed being real and supporting one another.
As we pushed our dishes aside and drank the last sips of our wine, we all agreed how we longed and needed these times…A time to be just girls, just friends and ourselves without the tiara.
And as we left, I insisted that we stop and each by lottery tickets for the drawing that evening. We laughingly did and as we drove from the Circle K…we decided that we weren’t ready for the night to end just yet…
So, at 10:30pm on Tuesday, we made a final stop at a local Ale House and joined some 200 Dodge Ball and Soft Ball players for one more round before heading home…a daring exercise for some Moms!
There’s a country song that says, God is great, wine (it really says beer) and people are crazy! We all enjoyed a little bit of all three that evening…while the tiara remained at home!
So Moms, sometimes you just have to grab your hall pass and go! And remember… leave your own tiara at home.
Love,
L
5-21-09: The Perfect Place
Maybe it was the front porch swings. Maybe it was that there was only one entrance and exit. Maybe it was because there were only 75. Maybe it was because it was so southern. Maybe it was just the side walks.
Maybe, just maybe, it was the spirit of those that lived there. And maybe, just maybe there is something we could all learn from these people and special place that we once called home.
It was in Savannah, GA and I knew as soon as my husband and I drove in while looking for a house - that this was it. He has often said that I pick the neighborhood and then the house!
It was a smaller neighborhood with a southern flair. It had picturesque moss trimmed trees, picket fences and almost every home had a front porch swing. Smiling neighbors 
were talking to one another while their kids played football in the front yards and whisked by on their bikes on the sidewalks.
People looked up and waved as you drove by. Everything looked so perfect and everyone seemed so happy. It was almost surreal.
We moved in with a 2 year old in tow to find out for ourselves…in hopes of acceptance and that we would soon be smiling too.
And that’s where my real lesson in being a good-no a great-neighbor all began.
There were the brownies, notes and visits to welcome us when we first arrived. There was my beloved neighbor next door that would quietly knock on the door to ask if she could borrow our child for awhile - to take a walk, eat cookies or bananas with her older children or just to sit on her own front porch to draw.
There was my dear friend down the street and the many impromptu dinners for our families-pulling up chairs for a last minute chili or burrito dinner where there was always enough food and plenty of laughter. And there were our many heartfelt conversations about deployments on each other’s front porch as we watched our children play in the sunshine.
There were the neighbors and friends there that would surprise you with a plate full of dinner or a delicious dessert explaining that they had plenty and wanted to share. And who knew that one surprise piece of home made pie could be delightfully shared by three!
There were the times I opened my front door to see bags of fresh strawberries or fruit that a neighbor had left. A plate of cookies, some books that the older girls down the street had grown out of and clothes that no longer fit them. There were flowers, books, magazines left there-you just never knew!
We knew when one of our own was ill and organized meals. We knew when a strange car had circled more than once and shared our concern…and their license plate! We talked and often…and usually on the sidewalk in passing or on a front porch.
Kids played in the front yards and called you by name as 
they flew by on a bike. They would walk up and invite your child to play and before you knew it-there were 10 children in the front yard all laughing…and with you serving some drinks and snacks.
There were the neighborhood cookouts, karaoke, parades, garage sales and usual celebrations. They were always loud and always fun! And we were there in large numbers…
And when I was pregnant and my husband deployed to Iraq-my lawn was secretly raked and mowed. Neighbors popped in to bring casseroles! Our trash can made it back to its resting place mysteriously-before I could get to it! And a a collection was taken to take all military wives in the neighborhood to lunch!
Our neighbor next door stood ready to fix anything and everything he could–and always brought over extra hamburgers or steak!
And when our second daughter arrived, we returned home with signs in our yard announcing her birth and then a flurry of visitors baring gifts all fighting over who would hold her first!
It was a perfect place. We were there only 22 months before we faced another military move. Here, I was taught by the best about the real meaning of being a good-no a great neighbor. I had the very best of teachers…
And so now,four years later my husband grins when I am wrapping a plate following dinner-he knows and so do the girls. And when we have that extra fresh fruit, home grown rosemary and basil, flowers from our garden or ice cream-my daughters are already asking who we can take that to!
And when we have a party…neighbors are delighted by the surprise pieces of birthday cake or food. And my husband’s collegues chuckle when I pack an extra lunch so he can “feed a friend”.
And just the other evening, a friend came by to bring the girls home from a bowling adventure with her son.
Knowing she had endured a grueling week at work, I asked her to grab 2 Mojitos, to saddle up to the bar area and that I would have plenty of burrito casserole to send her home with a hot and home made dinner-that she didn’t have to make.
And her look of gratitude and simple surprise took me right back to that perfect place…I understood. I knew.
Neighborhoods today not only lack sidewalks and front porch swings, but spirit. We have become so busy being human “doings” that we bypass the simple actions that mean so much. Are you a good-no a great-neighbor? What small things could your family do to bring the spirit back to your own neighborhood? What are you doing to teach your children the importance of being a good neighbor?
Be a good-no a great-neighbor…
Love,
Lisa
5-14-09: Land of the Lost
Another 40 minutes this morning looking for my husband’s lost wallet. Another 15 minutes looking for the lost library books for my oldest. Another 10 minutes looking for the pink butterfly shoes that the youngest just had to wear and couldn’t find. And another 5 minute searching for my own reading glasses…and I haven’t even finished my Special K cereal yet!
Later, there will be the pink swim goggles that are a must for swim lessons, the one and only Cinderella towel and the small sunglasses that all play a mean game of hide and seek…and the game in which I am always it.
The oldest will lose her writing tablet again. We’ll place an APB on the Hannah Montanna three piece outfit that has decided upon time apart in separate rooms and the one Barbie (of 8) that seems to have disappeared on her own spring break.
Then comes the search and rescue for the ladybug pajamas that have been worn and lost three days in a row. We’ll play the where’s the other shoe as WE (Allow me a bit of fantasy!) search through each drawer and under each bed-of course cleaning and straightening as we go!
I will use radar to find the two blinking tooth brushes that are found taking a nap in my hair accessory drawer. And thank goodness for the chip in the little one’s “Teddy” -the places he has been!
And just when I think I am done…a search for a small scrap of paper that my husband has written THE most important phone number and my oldest’s requests to P-L-EEEEEEEE-Z find her favorite (of 50) Hannah Montanna pen that sings. And a reminder from her that she lost the sheet of paper that says 2 bags of cookies are needed for school-tomorrow.
I try to add the last minute cookies to my grocery list for a now early am run to the store-but I have lost that too.
Yes, as a Mom, I live in the land of the lost. At an average of 65 minutes a day, I figure I spend some 395.4 hours a year in search and recovery missions in our own Bermuda Triangle.
I wasn’t born with radar-most Moms aren’t…but somehow and somewhere-search and recovery was listed in the many, many job descriptions under Motherhood that I never was privy to or even signed!
Oh, well…have you seen my calculator?
Make it a MOMumental day!
Love,
Lisa
P.S. Follow me at justanothermom1 on Twitter!
5-12-09: Look for the Good in Motherhood
She came running in, eyes half closed but with a large smile and clutching a beautiful home made flower. (You know the kind with the hand prints painted green as leaves and their picture in the middle of the flower.) She jumped in bed and exclaimed, “Happy Mudder’s Day Mom!” She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and gave me a long, squeezing hug. I felt so very loved…
The oldest leaped out of bed when my husband announced that the three of them were making one of our famous pj breakfast runs to McDonald’s to heed my request for a fattening bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and some hash browns…two sets of feet scurried out with another slowly trailing behind. I was told to stay in bed. There is nothing like that 30 minutes of peace in your own bed when your home is so eerily quiet. I felt so relaxed.
The door alarm sounded and my two daughters came bounding in proudly clutching the McDonald’s bag. “Ok, Mom, before breakfast, I am giving you a massage.” said the oldest. With that she disappeared and quickly returned with my favorite lotion. She massaged my back while the little one gently tickled my arm. I felt so appreciated.
My oldest then lead me to my breakfast and a table full of gifts. I was asked to sit and they each presented me with a home made card with their own handwriting and a plant inside a wooden box crafted by them at Lowe’s with friends the day before. They had nailed the wood together for the box and placed hearts around the sides. It was a thoughtful and most special gift and I felt honored.
There were other nice gifts. There were some pretty earrings and a very pretty necklace with green crystals that sparkled so brightly. There was a silver bracelet with words like joy, love and gentleness etched on it. And of course, flowers-some of the most amazing and bright yellow daffodils that I have ever seen. My oldest exclaimed that she had picked it all out and my husband smartly chose not to differ! I felt cherished.
Later that day, my oldest and I ventured out to run some errands. (It was hot and I opted out of our usual park or beach picnic celebration following a Thursday at the park, a Friday afternoon at the waterpark and the prior day at an outside birthday with a bounce house, petting zoo and pony–and 30 kids!) As we waited in line to pay for an ICEE and a drink, my daughter asked the clerk if she liked my necklace! The clerk nodded that she did and my daughter proudly announced that she had bought it for me for Mother’s Day. I chuckled and as we left two men in the line that had formed behind us—called out “Happy Mother’s Day” as we left. I felt such joy.
Simple and sweet gifts with big messages. It was one of the best Mother’s Day ever!
Motherhood sure can be the most challenging job and role I have ever endured…but I wouldn’t have missed this joy for the world! Nothing could be more important or as special as being a Mom…nothing…and I saw that in their eyes on Sunday.
5-7-09: Dear Mom…
Several years ago, I sat with the Kleenex clutched in my hand with tears streaming down my cheeks-as a pastor’s wife read aloud a letter she had received from her daughter on Mother’s Day. The daughter, now away at college, expressed that she now understood. She now understood and appreciated the endless rules, boundaries, adventures, questions, spankings, support and the importance of her Mom just being there.
I have long forgotten the exact wording of this letter, but I have never forgotten the emotional impact of the letter on me and the other Moms that day. I dream of receiving a hand written letter like that someday from my own daughter’s on Mother’s Day. The accolades aren’t important. The gratitude is secondary. It is the understanding that I most seek.
So, I started thinking. What would I hope they would say? And so, I decided to write it. I needed to write it to make sure I am living it-a resource, guide and a reminder to me as a Mom. So, here it is.
Dear Mom,
I remember how you were teaching me to swim and you kept secretly backing up. The first day of school that you wiped my tears and nudged me into my classroom and hid around the corner to make sure I was okay. (I knew you were there.)
There was the day after a break up that you insisted that I go to school. I recall the time you steadfastly refused to bring me my lunch after I had forgotten it for the fourth time.
I laugh as I remember the time my bucket full of frogs 
spilled out in the night and you made me catch every single one. There was the week I wanted to quit track and you insisted that I finish the season. That Spring when I was ready to ditch my dance date for “Mr. It” and you wouldn’t let me. The times I wanted to stay out just as late as some others and you said no. I remember that my rather small clothing budget didn’t allow for $60 t-shirts.
I laugh as I recall the times you placed a stuffed crab in our pants-and your own-when we were grumpy. The times you said”I am sorry” when you lost your temper. I can still see the steps you made us sit on while holding hands and saying, “Sisters forever. Sisters forever. Sisters forever.” following a fight.
You placed the computer in the kitchen, asked all those never ending questions about my friends and insisted on taking down the information of those driving me. Making me leave notes about where I was going, when I would be home and who I was with. Making me invite Suzy over when no one else liked her.
There was the punishment for arriving two minutes after curfew. There were the many thank you notes you insisted that I write. We were constantly reminded of the yes m’ams ab no sirs to adults all while looking them in the eye when speaking.
You seemed to know just when I was hesitating to tell the truth and you would assure me that telling the truth is often less painful in the end than telling a lie. Making me apologize to the neighbor for picking all her flowers and insisting that I rake her entire yard for restitution. Making me cut blades of grass in the heat with scissors when you knew I had a hangover.
I remember those “boring” Saturdays when we cleaned other’s yards or delivered meals. There were the holidays you required us to shorten our lists to give bikes to other children instead. There was the time we bought that extra sandwich for the homeless man outside the restaurant. You insisting that part of our allowance be placed in the offering plate and another 10% in savings. The relief I felt when you picked me and my friends up late that night with no questions asked.
Bugging me to always take a coat, have some cash on hand and to always travel with water. Dragging me to church and insisting that I go to youth group-no excuses. You encouraged me to speak up and out in family discussions, but you and Dad had the final say. For not talking to my coach when you knew he was being unfair. For encouraging my friends to always come over to our house. You chaperoned dances and overnights and worked the high school snack stand all so you could know just what was going on in my school. You would often pause to hear my phone conversations and you always asked lots of questions!
There were those fun lunches and shopping trips where we laughed a lot and you bought very little…for yourself. The times we sat alone at the table over a piece of cake 
pondering my heartache. I remember all the cookies we made and crafts we made-and all the laughter and messes in between! You placed note sof inspiration in my backpack. You shopped with me for hours for that perfect prom dress-smiling all the way. I remember you going with me th etime I had trash detail for punishment.
You were in the front row on awards day and the bleachers for my sporting events. Sometimes, when I asked for your advice, you offered it and sometimes you posed the hard questions back to me. Sometimes you said a great deal and other times you remained silent.
For the many times, that while Dad was away, that you played both Mom and dad. All the “Daddy” notes you helped us write and for the Daddy boxes we filled while he was away. Placing our thumbs together and yelling “team work” as we tackled yard and house work together. For encouraging us to miss him, but to also know, appreciate and understand the importance of what he was doing. For drying our tears and for making us laugh…and for the crazy adventures you dared to lead even when he wasn’t home.
There were your many dates with Dad-when you left us with a sitter. The times we asked which of us you loved the most and you would reply, “Dad comes first -with the two of you tying for a very close second. I remember the many notes of yours and ours that we tucked in Dad’s suitcases when he was heading out of town for a trip. You insisted that we hug and kiss dad when he left for a trip-even though we didn’t want to. And then you held us while we cried when he left.
Mom, I now know it wasn’t easy. We often weren’t easy! But now I know…I really know.
All these things were for us. It wasn’t just your words. It was your actions. You rarely missed a moment to teach us something big or small. You were and are the greatest teacher I have ever had.
You insisted that we really love our family, friends and even complete strangers. Even when we were at our worst, we felt and knew we were loved and that you believed in us. And when something great happened-you were the first we wanted to share it with.
You’ve been right there for me through it all. Moms offer a special kind of love like no other…now I understand.
I really love and appreciate you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day! Take the time to listen to the song, A Mother’s Day, by Jim Brickman on his album Simple Things.
5-4-09: Remaining Rooted in What is Real
We were of different ages, different military branches, different life experiences and with husbands of different ranks. And as we talked, we realized,while vastly different - we also shared a “same-ness”.
We shared our feelings of fear when our husbands deploy to these strange and turbulent foreign lands. We laughed about the revolving door and the disruptions of our Mother made schedules when they return.
We shared tears of the effects of their absences on us and our children. We shared frustration regarding those that ask the inappropriate questions or make a mis-step in words of supposed comfort.
Here, amongst each other, we were safe and encouraged to speak the truth and we did…in a language we all understood so well.
Times have changed. Unlike my parent’s generation, you don’t have to respond, “We’re just fine…” when you’re not. It is not a weakness to ask for help…it is a strength.
And it’s acceptable-no it’s appreciated- when you let others know of your imperfections and struggles. They then can travel on your jo
urney and you on theirs…
Yes, as a Mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, cousin and Aunt-it feels right to be rooted in what’s really real.
4-30-09: Motherhood…Laughing All the Way
Motherhood makes me laugh. I hope I can keep laughing until the end because as Jimmy Buffet says, “If we didn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”
Maybe as Moms, we laugh because we are already there! Anyway, some things that make me laugh!
* Don’t wear a red shirt when shopping in Target…think about it! And if you wear a red shirt and khaki pants, know your aisles!
* As a Mom, you might be overwhelmed when you find your daughter’s underwear in the dishwasher!
* My daughter was inquiring who would teach her to drive. When I laughingly replied her Dad, she thought for a moment. She said, “Mom you’re the pro driver–I think it would be better if you do. Dad doesn’t drive much.”
* I think Motherhood can be humorously summed up with the three C’s:
The children’s go anywhere, cross town, be there in a second, screeching, dirty, fun filled, loud, “gotta go” cab service.
The bag, tote, food, water, sports gear, rocks, pictures, clothing, books, art and miscellaneous toting camel.
The band aid, hydroscortisone, antibiotic gel, Motrin, Tylenol, humidifier, allergy, vitamin-and kissing caregiver. 
* Stealing a baby sitter could also be an invitation to your own execution. (LOL…)
* If you have children, silence is not golden-it is deadly…at least at our house!
* A friend said her daughter left her a sweet message…written in nail polish on their new carpet!
* Several years ago, as I was talking to a neighbor, our oldest appeared at the front holding something. As I turned around, she said “Look Mom, it is a ball!” Before I could reach her, she tossed the ball into the sky. As if in slow motion I watched as the decorative glass ball hit the ground and shattered into many, many pieces. (No, she wasn’t hurt…)
* My daughter was so excited that we were finally first in the drop off line for school…since we are usually last-until I realized it was a holiday and there was no school.
* What are the odds? The one day that you are wearing your glasses, no make-up, no bra and some pajama bottoms for the morning drop off that the Assistant Principal is the one that opens your door for your child to exit? (I counted 10 kids on safety patrol…)
* Speaking of school…A neighbor was told that she couldn’t bring her dog with her to pick up her kids. When she asked a very humble “Why?” , the Assistant Principal muttered something about a parent riding a horse (for drop off/pick up) that had made quite a mess!
* After hosting a “double” birthday for our daughters at Chuck E Cheese, we now understand why they serve beer.
* I think I need to now wear Spanx to do jumping jacks!
* You know those need little sounds that kids like to make my placing their hand under their arm? A boy in my daughter’s class informed me while demonstrating that they are officially called an armpit waffle. (You learn something new every day!)
* As I quickly yanked my wallet from my purse to pay, a tampon flung into the air and landed on the floor. I quickly scooped it up and couldn’t bare to look directly at the lady at the register. It was one of those moments that I wished I had a sign that read…”Really, I am not weird–I am just a Mom!”
Laugh at your own Mom moments! Have a great day!
4-24-09: The Other Mothers
A dear friend once taught me an important lesson. When I asked if she regretted not being a Mom, she politely informed me she was a Mom. She was a “step” Mother in society terms, but she was a Mom.
The conversation turned towards the fact that society didn’t really consider her a Mom because she didn’t give birth to her daughter. She laughingly exclaimed that while she didn’t give birth to her, she had done a great deal of everything else in the Motherhood manual.
So, it was then that I embraced the mantra that you don’t have to birth a child to be a Mom. And it was then that I began to celebrate the “other Mothers” in the lives of our own daughters.
These amazing women are an integral part of our daughter’s lives. Although they live many miles away, their spirits are closer!
They celebrate the birthdays, the lost teeth, write notes in the books they offer as gifts and send goodies when my husband is deployed. They treasure the art work made by little hands that are sent to them and proudly place our girl’ s photos on their own refrigerators.
They are faithful, supportive and loving. Each is dedicated to creatively remaining a constant in our girl’s lives even in the smallest of ways or the briefest of moments.
Ranging in age from 30’s to the 50’s, each of these amazing women are so very unique and special in their own way. And each of them are loved and treasured by our family.
They are also a gift to me…for I welcome the powerful and positive influence from these great women in the lives of our daughters now and in the many years to come. We are all shaped by the people that grace our souls and from even the most miniature of moments that are shared with them.
As a Mother, I know my daughters need a team on their own life journey. I am grateful that this amazing group will be there cheering them on, dusting them off or wiping a tear away…and shaping the hearts, minds and spirits of my beloved daughters.
So, as Mother Day approaches, I will be authoring my yearly “Other Mother” poem and putting together a small package to say thanks to the women that quietly do so much and seek so little.
I hope you will consider doing the same…
4-21-09: Motherhood and Simple Truths
A friend and I enthusiastically made our way down the highway, without kids or husbands, on a recent day trip. We chatted endlessly (because we could-uninterrupted…) about everything, anything and nothing at all!
As we discussed our children and parenting strategies, I laughingly explained that while I plead for them to leave me alone at times these days… I will one day be using the same energy to beg them to visit home.
My very wise friend who has blazed the trail of Motherhood with two older than mine gently reminded me that such isn’t necessarily true. “You see, if you offer them a home that gives them what they truly need now and they know they are loved…They will want to return, you won’t have to beg.” she replied.
Simple truths.
During the same trip, I was complimenting the manners of her oldest. “Are you sure we are speaking of the same child?” she giggled. She began to share some stories of the latest battles, squabbles and frustrations with a pre-teen. “No one would believe that she is like this at home…she is an angel to everyone else.” she explained.
“Home is a safe place for all of us to be “real”…real excited, real mad, real sad, real anything…” I said. “Even as adults,we tend to put our best foot forward outside the home. Just ask my husband about me!” I laughed.
“If we can provide our children a safe haven at home to experience those many emotions…If we can provide them with the confidence to use the learned manners, life lessons and communication strategies- that we have exhaustively tried and tried to teach them-outside the home…maybe we have successfully accomplished a little something as parents!” I remarked.
Simple truths.
If you want to learn something new about parenting, you don’t always have to read the latest and greatest parenting book. You don’t always have to attend another parenting class. You don’t always have to watch Nanny 911. Just have some uniterrupted time to talk to another Mother and you will always learn something.
Simple truths.
4-17-09: Moms, Gather Your Village!
What I once believed to be a weakness is actually a sign of growth, grace and strength. Yes, as a Mom and a military wife I had to learn to ask for-and gracefully accept help from others!
As a Mother of two and as a military family…things sure come up! Neighbors and friends have assisted with loudly beeping smoke alarms with dead batteries located in 14 foot ceilings at 3am, loose snakes brought in by our “boys” (2 cats), a rescued squirrel that was actually a rat, cars that wouldn’t start, a security alarm that goes off at 2 am-all because of the wind, my sickness with no available husband after caring for the other two, back up for being late to pick-up lines, child care help when no sitters are available…the list is long and so is my gratitude. (Thank you to the many!)
Prior to marriage and children, I didn’t have this wonderful and vast network of life warriors. I did have a small group of loyal, loving, kind and dedicated girl friends that somehow and successfully managed to love me through my Mom’s bout with lung cancer, several boy friend break ups and my career ups and downs. (I am sure I was a handful! Thank you to them…you know who you are!)
Since marriage and Motherhood, my life has been graced by several amazing Mom and spiritual mentors. From them, I learned the importance of communicating about the storms in life, having the courage to reach out to many for help and the grace to accept such. (You also know who you are! Real gems…)
This invaluable life lesson has sustained me through my brother’s on-going battle with MDS, my Mother-in-Law’s treatment during Breast Cancer and my husband’s frequent and lengthy deployments abroad.
Now, when the going gets tough, I take a moment and e-mail my many life and prayer warriors. I request prayers, good thoughts and support. I feel an immediate sense of relief and comfort. My burden lightened and support increased, I can exhale and think through the life storm.
Last Summer, my brother endured two mini-bone marrow transplants. The first one failed and we weren’t sure if he was going to make it.
During the second one, my twin nephews came to stay with us for a month. My husband was deployed and my anxiety extremely high in angst that my brother would not make it. So here it was Summer, I had four kids, no husband and pervasive fear. I was an emotional mess…
As usual, I began e-mailing my prayer and life warriors with updates and the need for prayer. Their response was overwhelming. I received calls offering to stay with the kids if I needed to make a visit to see him. I received notes of encouragement and support. My in-box was full of uplifting words. We were placed on varied prayer lists. The support strengthened my faith and offered me the inner calmness I needed to again work through it.
Most importantly, these warriors reached out to my brother. Most had never even met him. They sent notes, books, handmade blankets, DVDs, emails, offers for food and snacks and more! One person that had beaten the odds himself called my brother to offer hope…and that phone call completely changed my brother’s attitude.
The many acts of kindness were astounding. As a family, we credit these warriors for helping to save my brother’s life. Sometimes, it takes prayer and life warriors to love a person back to life.
So Moms, be rooted in what is real. Boldly ask for the help you need and gracefully accept it. Inviting people into your life and allowing them to help is a gift for you and them. Motherhood is not a one woman journey…Gather your own village!
And be a life and a prayer warrior to as many as you can and as often as you can. Make that call, send a note, place them on a prayer list or send some quick words of encouragement via email -but do something…Even the most simple acts of kindness can save a life.
4-16-09: Dare to Dream
Watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR_N9iljeMk and have your tissues handy! I saw it on GMA, CNN, AOL and from this site frowarded by a friend…and I still cry.
I am reminded as a Mother, wife, parent, daughter and friend to once again dare to dream, be a bit less reluctant to judge others and that there is always, always hope. Joy lies waiting around a corner…sometimes not soon enough and often unexpectedly. It will find you.
4-13-09: Are You Suffering from the DF Bug?
It can cause stress, anxiety, anger, sadness and depression. The wounds can be short lived or deep. It can forge a bond or break apart siblings, children, marriages or even complete families temporarily or for forever.
It can send you to the ER with panic attacks or to your grave with regrets. With it, you walk a path of uncertainty and doubt without a real destination.
We all have it. We all must endure it throughout our lives. As Moms, as parents, as siblings, as relatives, as children, you can run but you can’t hide-because it is family and there will always be varied degrees of dysfunction!
Believe me, my Mom friends and I try to solve these familychallenges over the phone, in the pick up lines and over long lunches! And lately, the DF (dysfunctional family) bug seems to be significantly affecting many friends!
And, I certainly have endured my share of the DF bug. With family, it comes with the territory! I’d like to say I have handled these situations well but as any other Mom…I have often ended up feeling like this sign.
So, as I ponder my own latest DF bug and another of a close friend…I found a great article full of basic tips for dealing with a dysfunctional family.
Take the time to read it…really read it! As Moms, we are often the front line for dealing with family matters.
We need DF bug survival strategies to ride the waves of family dysfunction and to protect the health, responsibilities and well being of ourselves and immediate family.
And when enduring your own DF bug, as a Priest once shared with me, just remember to breathe!
4-7-09: Mom things that make you laugh, cry, scream and ponder…
Never,ever leave an iron on when the children are within 100 feet and you’re more than 10 feet away. The iron will “mysteriously” fall to the ground, miraculously shut itself off but not before singeing the white carpet in the middle of your bedroom.
When you’re busy and your children are rapidly firing “pellet” questions at you-be careful of the uh-huhs and nods. My oldest reminded me today that I had agreed to place pink streaks in her hair this weekend.
Just when I splurged on several new outfits, both cats made emergency trips to the vet and my check engine light came on.
My husband just returned from a lengthy deployment. The kids were staying with friends, I dressed up and met him at the airport. It was there that he threw out his back…He said it happened after he picked me up to hug me. I explain that it happened at the baggage claim as he was picking up the smallest of his five pieces of luggage. Which do you believe?
Recently, I spotted a lone strange man at a near by park while walking one morning. As the ever protective Mom, I spotted a young Mom with children and warned her about the man. “Oh him?” she pointed towards a man standing by himself some 30-40 feet away. “That’s my Father.” Wasn’t quite sure how to recover from that one…
Heard from a Mom shouting from a distance to her husband seated with several children at a local restaurant this evening, “Don’t let her eat a balloon. That is not good.” Really?
Women really can out multi-task men. The other morning as my husband got his coffee, I had made the bed, fed the cats, made breakfast for our daughters, checked e-mail and had done a load of laundry–and met the trash collectors in my night gown carrying the recycling bin.
Why is it that you discover that your daughter needs cookies for a party the day of—or the day after you have made the trip to the grocery store?
Explaining to several Moms that my three year old has all these beautiful clothes but insists on mismatched outfits or High School Musical t-shirts with a variety of old pants..one Mom replied, “Oh, I thought she looked like that because you worked.” Ouch…no she is just three!
While my two daughters and a friend were dancing and saying loudly, “Shake your booty!” in a local restaurant …I look up to see my church minister laughing in a nearby booth.
Upon making the third trip to the restroom at a restaurant with my daughters, I glanced up and said, “Anyone else?” Several humored folks at varied tables quickly raised their hands!
If you want to know how your church really feels about kids, see how they react when yours gets loose and makes it to the front!
3-19-09: Tidbits by Me
Saying yes is easy, saying no is hard. Today it was raining and pouring-and how I wished they were snoring!
As Moms we keep repeating. “Out, I just need a moment alone.” Soon, we’ll be spending the same energy begging them to visit home.
I am just the family’s roadie. Call me “stop watch” Mom! And when your things suddenly disappear, check their closet!
Heard Florida was considering a 4 day school week. I will shout what all the other Mom’s are thinking…”Nooooooooo!”
When in doubt, walk it out. Just when you think you’re safe, you’re not. If there is someone that annoys you, they will suddenly appear everywhere.
Your intuition is usually right. You can’t run away but you can pretend. Piles of laundry are like hamsters-they 
multiply faster than you can separate them!
You can’t have a clean house or full refrigerator if your kids are home. I want to live long enough for my oldest to allow her children to do “whatever they want” as I often hear.
Children and 80 year olds can get away with saying anything…I want to be 80! When my girls laugh, it is contagious. When I see them offering a toy to a little boy at the park that we don’t know, I know I have done something right.
When they smile, I know they feel loved. When they cry, I know I can’t protect them from everything-but I can comfort.
When I watch them sleep, I dream for them.
March 19th…Meet My Assistants!
They’re thoughtful, laid back and very supportive! And they’re there when I need them and even when I don’t!
Meet Hitch (left) and George (right). Hitch was rescued by a kind lady that found him after a 45 minute drive under the hood of her car! We named him “Hitch” because he hitched a ride to a better life! He is a sweet lap cat.
George was not named after President Bush but after Curious George! He truly enjoys hunting. At last count, he has managed to bring 4 live snakes in our house along with dozens of lizards! My husband once found him sitting on a branch in a tree!
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